


Loving her

by StevetheIcecube



Category: NieR: Automata (Video Game)
Genre: Developing Relationship, F/M, Introspection, Major Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-29 00:08:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14460801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StevetheIcecube/pseuds/StevetheIcecube
Summary: It took 9S a while to work out why he'd prioritised her memories over his own.





	Loving her

The world was burning, but when wasn’t it? It never really ended. Assault after assault. Fire rained down from the sky, androids died, machines died. Once almost everyone was gone, fire stopped raining from the sky, and peace could return, for a few years. Maybe a decade. The land healed, the people healed, the machines grew and stockpiled the same as they did.

But this time, it felt different. He’d spent so long out here on his own, watching the world change slowly. He’d observed things. All alone, he’d seen things, seen more things, seen practically everything, it felt like. And now he finally had someone to share it with.

When he’d first spoken to her, everything seemed just as normal. A person, unwilling to have a chat, just as they always were. He was used to it by now, even if he chattered on regardless. At least it filled the silence with something other than the sounds of machines and gunfire and death.

And then something changed. He didn’t know what it was afterwards; all he knew was that they’d developed enough of a bond that he’d prioritised her own memories over his. That was good enough for him. He knew that beyond the fabric that hid her eyes, beyond her cold tone, there was something in her that he’d wanted to preserve.

It was just that, for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out what it was. She never gave any indication of how she was feeling, except usually that she was irritated by what he said. What had he seen in her that she remembered showing him but wouldn’t show him any longer? What was it?

Of course, it hit him pretty quickly after that. He wasn’t sure what it was. Maybe her strength, her dedication, her brutal honesty, the shocking amount that she was able to put up with just to help others, the fact that occasionally she looked at him and spoke to him, even. Maybe it was one or a combination of any number of those things, but he found himself constantly seeking her approval. Wanting to protect her like she protected him.

He knew he wasn’t meant to have emotions, but he was pretty sure that he would do anything for her. He guessed this was what having a partner was. Fighting together. Sharing the same activities, day after day, and sleeping in the same room once the events of however long they’d spent running around were over. They’d become close in a way that wasn’t measured by the name she called him by.

It wasn’t until after he got taken out by that EMP that he realised. He’d thought inside that maybe, yes, it was just as Adam had said. But when he was inside his own body again, and she carried him in her arms away from the machine she’d just murdered as if he weighed nothing, as if all the events hadn’t even affected her, he realised it wasn’t raw desire he held for her.

He loved her. He loved her and now he saw why that was so inconvenient for YoRHa to have emotions. Because he did everything for her without thinking. He put himself in harm’s way to protect her. His feelings weren’t centred around what was best for humanity. It was all about protecting her. Making sure she was okay, hoping that maybe she felt something in return. It felt like she did, yet...he couldn’t say anything.

It all fell apart so quickly. He didn’t get it. How could it all fall apart so quickly? One moment, they were in sync, ready to fight the world if they must, just to stay together and alive. And the next moment…

She asked her to trust him; she had a plan. He trusted her, and she sent him away and hid herself and then the next he saw of her, those eyes he had so rarely seen stared straight through him, the same as the sword thrust straight through her, and she spoke his name, the name he’d wanted from her all along, and then she was gone. She was gone, and he loved her. He loved her and she was gone.

He loved her. And losing her happened in the same moment as the closest he ever came to her loving him in return.

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that I'm only part way through story C and this is about as far as I've got, so no spoilers if you would :)


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